preview Quotes Witty & wise

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"Listening to Democrats complain about inflation is like listening to germs complain about disease."
Spiro Agnew
" Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies."
Sir Ernest Benn
"A candidate is a modest man who shrinks from the publicity of private life to seek the obscurity of public office."
Ambrose Bierce
"In politics, an absurdity is not a handicap."
Napoleon Bonaparte
"I always wanted to get into politics but I was never light enough to get in the team."
Art Buchwald
" Vote early and vote often."
Al Capone
"In 1932, lame duck President Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children."
Johnny Carson
"Dictators ride to and fro upon tigers which they dare not dismount. And the tigers are getting hungry."
Winston Churchill
"Political ability is the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month and next year. And to have the ability afterward to explain why it didn't happen. Politics are almost as exciting as war and quite as dangerous. In war you can only be killed once, but in politics many times. In war you can be killed only once. In politics, many times."
Winston Churchill
"A conservative is a fellow who thinks a rich man should have a square deal."
Frank Dane
"A liberal is a man who will give away everything he doesn't own."
Frank Dane
"Any man with a fine shock of hair, a good set of teeth, and a bewitching smile can park his brains, if he has any, and run for public office."
Frank Dane
"When I was a boy I was told that anyone could become president. I'm beginning to believe it."
Clarence Darrow
"Politics is far more complicated than physics."
Albert Einstein
"The time is at hand when the wearing of a prayer shawl and skullcap will not bar a man from the White House, unless, of course, the man is Jewish."
Jules Farber
" A bronco is something that kicks and bucks, twists and turns, and very seldom goes in one direction. We have one of those things here in Washington - it's called Congress."
Gerald Ford
"It is impossible in normal times to govern a nation that has 240 different kinds of cheese. (also quoted at 200, 243, 246 and 265)"
Charles de Gaulle
"Politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. Since a politician never believes what he says, he is surprised when others believe him."
Charles de Gaulle
"I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats."
Horace Greeley
"Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn't know how to lie, cheat, and steal. He's always had an agent for that."
Bob Hope
"Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature."
Kin Hubbard
"The Senate is a place filled with goodwill and good intentions, and if the road to hell is paved with them, then it's a pretty good detour. George Washington was the only President who didn't blame the previous administration for all his troubles."
Hubert Humphrey
"The first rule of politics: never believe anything until it's been officially denied."
Jonathan Lynn & Antony Jay
"Elevation from the House of Commons to the House of Lords is like being moved from the animals to the vegetables."
Jonathan Lynn & Antony Jay
"One of the principal political skills is making bad news sound like good news."
Jonathan Lynn & Antony Jay
"A little vagueness goes a long way in this business."
Edmund G. (Pat) Brown
"When we got into office, the one thing that surprised me most was to find that things were just as bad as we'd been saying they were."
John F. Kennedy
"I once said cynically of a politician, 'He'll double-cross that bridge when he comes to it.'"
Oscar Levant
"It is more profitable for your Congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life."
Jackie Mason
"Being a politician is like being a football coach: you have to be smart enough to understand the game, but dumb enough to think it's important."
Eugene McCarthy
"A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar."
H. L. Mencken
"The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces."
Maureen Murphy
"Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote."
George Jean Nathan
"One of the most perplexing questions of our time: Where do all the solutions go after a candidate gets elected?"
Robert Orben
"It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first."
Ronald Reagan
"Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book."
Ronald Reagan
"There is no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you."
Will Rogers
"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress."
Will Rogers
"Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated.

The trouble with political jokes is that very often they get elected."

Will Rogers
"About all I can say for the United States Senate is that it opens with prayer and closes with an investigation."
Will Rogers
"The short memories of American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.

Politics ain't worrying this country one-tenth as much as where to find a parking space.

Politics has got so expensive that it takes lots of money to even get beat with.


Will Rogers
"A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned to walk forwards... A reactionary is a somnambulist walking backwards... A radical is a man with both feet firmly planted - in the air."
Franklin D. Roosevelt
"A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now. Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've stolen."
Mort Sahl
"Reagan won because he ran against Jimmy Carter. Had he run unopposed, he would have lost."
Mort Sahl
"Republicans sleep in twin beds - some even in separate rooms. That is why there are more Democrats. Republicans raise dahlias, Dalmatians, and eyebrows. Democrats raise Airedales, kids and taxes. Republicans study the financial pages of the newspaper. Democrats put them in the bottom of bird cages."
Will Stanton
"98% of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy 2% that get all the publicity. But then - we elected them."
Lily Tomlin
"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress... But I repeat myself."
Mark Twain
"Money is the mother's milk of politics."
Jesse Unruh
"Politics makes strange bedfellows."
Charles Dudley  Warner
"We've got a program to invent a new name for ecology, so we can keep it alive after it's been talked to death. We're thinking of calling it politics."
Harvey Wheeler
"The treasury could not, with any marked success, run a fish and chip shop."
Harold Wilson

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