preview Quotes Witty & wise

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"In the order named, these are the hardest to control: Wine, women, and song."
Franklin Pierce Adams
"If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know."
Louis Armstrong
"All music is folk music. I ain't never heard no horse sing."
Louis Armstrong
"It is as absurd to say that a man can't love one woman all the time as it is to say that a violinist needs several violins to play the same piece of music."
Honoré de Balzac
"The English may not like music - but they absolutely love the noise it makes."
Thomas Beecham
"Composers should write tunes that chauffeurs and errand boys can whistle."
Thomas Beecham
"Brass bands are all very well in their place - outside and several miles away."
Thomas Beecham
"You want something by Bach? Which one, Johann Sebastian or Jacques Offen?"
Victor Borge
"Music with dinner is an insult both to the cook and the violinist."
G. K. Chesterton
"Military justice is to justice what military music is to music."
Georges Clemenceau
"I would like to play for audiences who are not using my music to stimulate their sex organs."
Ornette Coleman
"Jazz is the only music in which the same note can be played night after night but differently each time."
Ornette Coleman
"Education begins with poetry, is strengthened through proper conduct, and consummated through music."
"We all know how to get a hand at the end of a piece by making a loud noise with a big drum."
Aaron Copland
"Rock 'n roll is about sex."
Elvis Costello
"Extraordinary how potent cheap music is."
Noël Coward
"Composers shouldn't think too much-it interferes with their plagiarism."
Howard Dietz
"Playing 'bop' is like playing scrabble with all the vowels missing."
Duke Ellington
"I know only two tunes; one of them is 'Yankee Doodle,' and the other isn't."
Ulysses S. Grant
"I occasionally play works by contemporary composers and for two reasons. First to discourage the composer from writing any more and secondly to remind myself how much I appreciate Beethoven."
Jascha Heifetz
"Musicians are ordinarily the least sophisticated of political animals, perhaps because for so many of their formative years they are shut up in practice rooms communicating with the deaf."
Donal Henahan
"I can't stand to sing the same song the same way two nights in succession. If you can, then it ain't music, it's close order drill or exercise or yodeling or something, not music."
Billie Holiday
"Classical music is the kind that we keep hoping will turn into a tune."
Kin Hubbard
"Disco is like a musical iron lung for a culture in respiratory distress."
Jack Kroll
"Opera in English is, in the main, just about as sensible as baseball in Italian."
H. L. Mencken
"We must remember, Mozart and Beethoven didn't hear all of the sounds we hear. They never heard the sound of a motor car starting, running, grinding, stopping. They never heard a telephone ring, or an airplane roar."
Gregor Piatigorsky
"Every kind of music is good, except the boring kind."
Gioacchino Rossini
"Jazz may be a thrilling communion with the primitive soul; or it may be an ear-splitting bore."
Winthrop Sargeant
"The notes I handle no better than many pianists. But the pauses between the notes - ah, that is where the art resides!"
Artur Schnabel
"Lean your body forward slightly to support the guitar against your chest, for the poetry of the music should resound in your heart."
Andrés Segovia
"Is it not strange that sheep's guts should hale souls out of men's bodies?"
William Shakespeare
"Hell is full of musical amateurs; music is the brandy of the damned."
George Bernard Shaw
"Music is the brandy of the damned."
George Bernard Shaw
"Nothing soothes me more after a long and maddening course of pianoforte recitals than to sit and have my teeth drilled."
George Bernard Shaw
"The lyrics of pop songs are so banal that if you show a spark of intelligence they call you a poet."
Paul Simon
"Jazz will endure as long as people hear it through their feet instead of their brains."
John Philip Sousa
"Film music should have the same relationship to the film drama that somebody's piano playing in my living room has to the book I'm reading."
Igor Stravinsky
"I had a terrible dream last night. I dreamed that the man who invented Muzak invented something else."
Lily Tomlin
"Wagner's music is better than it sounds."
Mark Twain
"Everyone wants to ride around in the newest automobile and listen to the oldest music. They want their heads in the seventeenth century and their behinds in the twentieth."
Edgard Varèse
"You have Van Gogh's ear for music."
Artemus Ward
"Jazz tickles your muscles, symphonies stretch your soul. Jazz is the folk music of the machine age."
Paul Whiteman
"I like Wagner's music better than anybody's. It is so loud that one can talk the whole time without people hearing what one says."
Oscar Wilde
"Rock 'n roll magazines are written about people who can't talk by people who can't write for people who can't read."
Frank Zappa

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